This is how I disappear (Lily)

[Sirius Black]

Tired after what seemed like a long day in Diagon Alley, Sirius entered the Potter house to complete and utter silence. To his right he could hear the large grandfather clock chime the time, but other than that nothing. He sighed and stepped over the threshold into the house.

"Honey, I'm home," he said to no one in particular as he made his way through the main hall to the grand staircases that lead to the second floor. With each step he took he winced in pain. He'd walked for hours, wandering aimlessly through Diagon and Knockturn Alley until he knew every inch of the wizarding village. He'd been buying his time, buying knickknacks and random bobbles from each store he entered. Of course he didn't bring any of that home. There was nowhere to put it all, so instead he gave it to a small witch who'd eyed his bag while he'd waited in the line at Florean Fortesques.

Sirius gripped the banister and hobbled up the stairs until he reached the second floor landing. He looked toward the right where Lily and James' rooms were, paused and veered left toward his room. It was too quiet still and that was never a good thing when a girl was in the house. He could imagine the 'quiet' activities they were enjoying and it sickened him. That was not an image he wanted in his head, especially when it involved his best mate.

He slipped quietly into his room, kicking off his shoes and yanking off his shirt before he moved to his dresser to get a change of clothes. A bath was on his mind, had been all day after he'd entered a ice cream eating contest with the same girl who'd taken his merchandise away. It was all in fun, but with a sugar rush and hurting ankles, he wasn't exactly looking forward to a night of lolly-gagging around the house.

Grabbing a towel, boxers and a change of clothes, he slipped out of his room and made his way down the hall to the bath. He had his own personal bathroom in his room, but he preferred to use the public one. It was larger and the view over the balcony didn't hurt either.

He hurried inside and seconds later slipped down in the tub full of bubbles so the only thing visible was his head. A relaxing 'ah' escaped him as he settled down into the hot, steamy water. He closed his eyes to the image of James' face swimming behind his lids. He smiled to himself as Lily came into the picture next, wrapping her arms around James' waist. Their love was true abd James had never looked more content with life than when he was in her arms. It had all worked out in the end. Good for them. Good for...them. Where did he belong? What could he offer James that Lily wasn't already giving him.

Friendship? He had Remus and Peter for that.

A shoulder? Lily, again, took that job.

Sirius lay there questioning himself, refusing to see this triangle as anything but a competition. One, he believed, he was losing. He exhausted himself and without knowing he fell asleep. The room darkening around him as he slept, he slipped further and further underneath the soapy water.

[Lily M. Evans]

All night lily had been smiling in her sleep, resisting the temptation to sneak into James' room and crawling into the bed beside him. Yes Miss Evans was in love. And her life was beginning to be like the muggle fairytales that she never used to believe in. See, lils had always been a realist. She was never one to dream of being in love with somebody, growing old and seeing her children play and get along. But now, that was all she did.

Her vision now included James and her playing with a little boy, a spitting image of James, and Sirius walking in the door with a huge smile, teasing her about how whipped James was, and how cute their little boy was. Then, giving the little boy a toy broom, and his first prank kit, and of course her playfully rolling her eyes and hugging him while the three of them were laughing and having a good time...

Smiling she was now walking around the house in a light blue tank top and a brown skirt as she was walking through the hall way bare foot. Now she was headed to the shower because she felt extremely hot and sticky. Instead of knocking on the door she just opened it, assuming that sirius was still in Diagon Alley, and James was well, in his room. However she gasped and turned around as she saw that Sirius was in the tub. "Merlin I'm so sorry Sirius!! I didn't realize you were in the bath!!" Her hand was now over her eyes as she faced the door, making her eyes did not look in Sirius' direction.

[Sirius Black]

He dreamed of threesomes with the strangest things, some more nightmarish than others--like one with Snivellus and Martha Adams, a girl who insisted on following him everywhere at school. Sirius groaned in his sleep, swatting at the unseen. It wasn't until Lily screamed that he finally awakened.

"Merlin, I'm so sorry Sirius. I didn't realize that you were in the bath."

Eyes heavy, Sirius turned to look at her, grimacing and then laughing at her expense. "It's alright Evans," he said, holding onto the sides of the marble tub so that he wouldn't slip under the water that was still unusually hot given the amount of time he'd been sleep. He tilted his head to the side and grin.

"Don't act like you haven't seen me in my birthday suit before," he said, a tad bit of laughter masked behind his words. He was sure she hadn't, but claiming that she had was sure to get under his skin.

What James would think about this situation crossed his mind, but he meant nothing by what he said next. If Lily was going to date James, she would have to get used to being near him, and not only when James was around either. This was a better chance than any to get to know Lily, that is if she actually looked at him.

Pulling himself a bit higher, he grabbed his clothes from a near by table and withdrew his wand from his pants pocket. He waved it, muttering a silent spell and at his disposal appeared a pair of swim trunks. "How about you join me?" He said as he clambered into the swim trunks. "I've heard that muggles do this sort of thing often, relax in hot water together..."

While her back was still turned he climbed out of the water, wrapping a towel around his waist before walking to Lily's side. "We can talk. How about that?" He waved his wand at the bath and it cleaned itself and refilled with hot water before his eyes. Ahh, the wonders of magic.

"What do you say? It's definitely big enough for the two of us." And it was. Like every other bathtub in the house, this one was huge enough to hold at least five people. He nudged Lily in the arm playfully, made sure she saw his smug, daring grin, and padded back to the bath side. For the hell of it he added one final cherry to the top of the treat.

"James doesn't have to know, if that's what you're worried about."

[Lily M. Evans]

As if it wasn't bad enough that her face was already beginning to turn red, he laughed, and her face turned even brighter! Despite the fact that he was naked in the bath tub, she didn't want him to see her blush. The only person she'd allow to see that was James, and that's only when he was around. Besides, blushing ruined her whole 'stubborn tough girl' reputation. And she had to keep that. Just like the boys kept their pranking and Hogwarts Playboy reputations.

" Sirius Orion!!"

Lily shouted at him, her face becoming more and more red by the second. But she wouldn't dare turn around to look at him. "I've heard that muggles do this sort of thing often, relax in hot water together..." That did it! Her face was as red as her flaming hair now! Oh he was definately going to get it! Especially when Alice came. "Only when they're a couple." Lily defended herself and the muggle world as Sirius began. "Talking, yes, but I'm going to have to say no to the bath. It's too hot outside. Even at night." She smiled at him and finally looked his way, thankfully he had put a towel on first. "Sirius your such a hormonal boy." She laughed at him, and walked over, and grabbed the cherry on top and offered it to him. "How are you so charming?" Lily asked with a smile and sat on the end of the tub, letting her hand dip into the warm water.

"Sirius!" The red head exclaimed again and whacked his bare shoulder, but laughing all the while at his James doesn't have to know comment.

[Sirius Black]

"Talking, yes, but I am going to to have to say no to the bath. It's too hot outside. Even at night."

He grimaced at that, but it was true. It was rather hot, though her coolness toward him would surely bring the temperature down to a comfortable temperature. He sat on the side of the tub and watched her as she neared his side. He tucked the towel around his waist a bit tighter and peered up at her from where he sat.

"Sirius, you're such a hormonal boy. How are you so charming?"

"I'm not, not really," he said ducking his head. "I just say the right things..." he scooted closer to her, until their thighs touched slightly. His eyes graced her lips, and he licked his own, pulling his bottom lip in with his teeth. Slowly, as if it took a lot of self control, his eyes moved upward to her lips. He smirked playfully. "At the right time," he finished in a suggestive moan, his gray eyes shining with mirth and just the smallest hint of something more.

He knew Lily by now so when she smacked him across the arm, he only pouted as if hurt, but actually he was enjoying the banter. He knew when he was getting under her skin and if they were crossing into unsafe territory. He would gently guide them onto safer ground.

"Why are you suddenly so interested in James?" He asked bluntly. He cut his eyes at her before standing. His hair dripped, wetting his shoulders and chest. The water glistened like shards of diamond as pools of moonlight shimmered through the balcony window. He stepped in close to Lily, trailing his finger tips along the top of the tub on either side of her. His brilliant gray eyes dimmed as he looked into her emerald ones. He searched for the answer there, but found nothing. She was simply too difficult to read

"You can't tell me you woke up one day, saw James and knew he was the one," he hissed in barely more than a whisper. "He's been in love with you for years Evans. If this...thing between you isn't real..." He would be heartbroken because James deserved the love Lily claimed to give him. James would always come first to him and if Lily's intentions weren't pure he didn't know if his friendship with Lily would last.

"If it's not real..." he repeated, staring into her eyes. "Don't...tell James," he said his voice faltering. Because he wouldn't be able to handle it. He'd seen the way he looked at her. James would be crushed.

Sirius dropped his head to the side, almost against Lily's shoulder. His breaths warmed her neck and he could smell her perfume there. It was so completely Lily. He closed his eyes and let that scent capture him. He hadn't realized that he'd remembered her scent--floral and dainty. This scent was James. Lily was his and no one elses. Slowly, as if reluctant to move away, he shifted back, turning his head to brush his cheek ever so gently against hers. He looked into her eyes before stepping away. Raking his hands through his wet hair, he went to lean against the sink.

"So. Should I be worried?" He asked though he didn't want to know the answer. He also ignored how much of a hypocrite he sounded.

[Lily M. Evans]

Lily swallowed as she felt Sirius get closer to her, their thighs almost touching. She was terrified to merlin that james was going to walk in, and get the wrong idea. Come on, Sirius and Lily, sitting on the edge of the tub, their thighs almost touching, sirius in nothing but a towel wrapped tight around his waist. Oh merlin she prayed James wouldn't walk in!

"At the right time,"

Lily gave a laugh and shook her head playfully. Smiling she grabbed the cherry and made it look like she was going to eat it before she shoved it into Sirius' mouth. "Let me guess, you say the right thing at the right time, the girl falls for your 'irresistable ' charm and you get a heated snog session and take the poor girls' virtue?" The red head snickered. Her eyes rolled playfully at his suggestive moan.

"Why are you suddenly so interested in James?"

"I-" Yes, the Head Girl was caught off guard by the question. She wasn't suddenly interested in him. She had been interested in him since their sixth year, though she would never admit it. She had always hid it. Because she had a reputation to keep. But, when James had let off a little bit, she realized how much she really loved him, and that she had loved him all along. This was the one time she wished she was easy to read, that way Sirius could tell what she was thinking by the way he was looking into her eyes.
"You can't tell me you woke up one day, saw James and knew he was the one," Immediately she felt offended that he would even consider her the type to just use guys! Especially James. However she could see her point. She just 'suddenly' realized that she was in love with him. Truth was, she had gotten extremely jealous when she saw him with other girls..

"He's been in love with you for years Evans. If this...thing between you isn't real..."

Every time that she heard him speak, she felt lower and lower. Of course she was in love with James! But he was making her feel guilty for her rejecting him all of those years...

"Don't...tell James,"

The thought of it not being real, it crushed her! she couldn't dream a life without him by herside now. "Sirius listen to me!" Lils placed a hand on his chest as she watched him drop his head next to hers. She gave a light smile, then she saw him lean back against the sink. Still smiling she moved in front of him and placed her hands on his chest, looking him straight in his gray eyes, honesty in her own emeralds.

"I would never break James' heart. I've broken it for six years straight, I'm not about to do it again." Lily said honestly and hugged him. "I know your protective of him, but I really do love him Sirius."

[Sirius Black]

He hadn't expected his words to affect her so much, or that she would stand and move to his side. The stark contrast of the temperature of her warm hand against his cool chest startled him a bit. Her touch sent waves of goosebumps from his chest downward to his stomach, and further still to areas of his body he rather not think about in that moment.

He listened to her confess her feelings and his mind was overrun with snarky comments about how James deserved better, how he would rather see him alone than with a woman who claimed to love him. Cause how could she love him? She didn't know what true love was. He'd experienced it. Love was unconditional. Love determined your every motive, made you do irrational things for the other person until at the end of it all you could no longer recognize yourself in the mirror. Love changed you and by god it wasn't a fickle thing that happened on a whim.

Lily's love, he believed, was a fickle thing. It would come and then it would go, but he couldn't continue to avoid her because of his personal beliefs. James was his best friend and he'd said time again that what was James was his. He would have to make this relationship work or take himself out of both their lives altogether because he refused to sit around and do nothing. That was the only other option he had.

He had to learn to let some people in and yet let others go. If Lily said she loved James he would have to believe her. If he ever got the inclination that her feelings weren't true though, he...he didn't know what he would do. James wouldn't want to know and he didn't know if he'd have the heart to tell him.

Sirius took Lily's hand in his own and stroked it. "We'll see," he whispered. His words held no promises, no belief in her words. He would simply wait and see if Lily truly did love James. Until then he would go about his day as if he was perfectly fine with their relationship. And in some ways he was. He did care for Lily having grown up with her like all the others, yet his bond to her wasn't as strong as the ones he'd developed with his friends. It would be easily broken if...if anything happened.

He snaked his arms around Lily's tiny waist then and pulled her close, kissing her atop her head gently. He rested his cheek atop her head.

"Ah Evans, now look at what you've done," he said pulling back to peer into her emerald eyes. His heart stopped in his chest at the sight of them. No wonder James was so wild about this woman.

"You've got me talking about my feelings. I've got an ego to protect here," he said at an attempt at humor to break the mood. He brushed her crimson locks from her face and leaned down to place a well practiced kiss on her rosy cheeks, a bit too close to her soft lips.

[James Potter]

James was wandering around his house. He frowned slightly, unable to find anyone anywhere. He had checked his room on the third floor for Sirius (he knew that his Best Mate would sometimes just end up there to annoy James), the entire third floor and still hadn’t found anyone. He sighed, making his way down to the second floor. Sometimes he hated having a house this big. But at the same time, he couldn’t imagine living in a house smaller than the one he had now.

It wasn’t that he was snobby. Nope! If people didn’t know the Potter’s, than they didn’t know how Rich they were. And looking at James, you wouldn’t know. He always wears wrinkled clothing, and ragged ones. His parents don’t care what he wears, so long as he’s happy. He frowned, as he continued to check every room on the second floor. All the rooms were empty, as were a few bathrooms. He’d only seen a few of the servants and one House Elf. He hadn’t said a word to them, and just let them go about their business.

He was about to end to the first floor when he saw a light on in one of the rooms. He recognized it as the bathroom. He blinked, tilting his head and making his way over there. He could hear voices coming from the inside. He recognized them as well: Sirius and Lily. His brow knitted together in confusion. What were they doing?

He peeked his head in, coming to a stop as he watched them. When he saw them, Lily was sitting on the tub’s edge, with Sirius in front of her. He blinked, watching them, unsure if he should feel jealous, shocked, or . . . anything! He watched as they both made their way towards the sink. And then Sirius wrapped an arm around lily’s waist. It was only then that he felt a pang of jealous towards his best mate, but he quickly killed it. Sirius would never do anything to harm him . . .

He leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed slightly over his chest. He was wearing a pair of black jeans with a red t-shirt and white socks. He raised a brow as he looked at the two. “You two having fun?” he asked, his voice neutral. As much as he wanted to kill the jealousy, he couldn’t completely stamp it out. He found it funny, that all these years Sirius was telling him that he was wasting his time with Lily, yet here he was, holding her around the waist . . . kissing her . . . He made sure to leave no emotion on his face, eyes, voice, nothing anywhere. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he let an emotion take hold of him. Better to lock up his emotions and sort them out later.

[Lily M. Evans]

[bloclquote]"We'll see,"

The Red Head looked at him and was shocked as she felt him stroke the back of her hand. She didn't understand what was happening. Here she was, her thoughts full of nothing but her boyfriend James Potter, and Sirius had been telling her that if the love between her and Sirius wasn't real than not to tell him. But her love for James Potter was completely real! If only she could find a way to prove to him that it was...

A small gasp escaped her lips as she felt Sirius snake one of his arms around her waist. This was wrong. Even if it was pure and innocent. Meaning that she was still head over heals for James Ignotus Potter, and nothing could change that. And she was confused, as to why Sirius had suddenly warmed up to her, just like that.. When his eyes met hers she sent him a smile, his gray eyes mysterious and luring. Although she didn't get lost him his like she did James. With James, everything he was feeling, thinking was shown in his eyes. But with Sirius; she couldn't see anything hardly. Not even close to what she could see with James..

"You've got me talking about my feelings. I've got an ego to protect here,"

"Then you shouldn't be so close to a red head. You'll be amazed what I can do. I'm not like other girls." And that was the definate truth. Lily Marie Evans wasn't like any other girl. She wasn't 'big' into muggle fashions, parties, or sleeping around. No, she wanted to really love the guy first before she did that, like James. She was head over heals. And she didn't talk about boys twenty four seven. Come to think of it she hardly talked about boys. As she was mostly best friends with them. "You're not as egotistical as everyone thinks you are Mr. Black. " She smiled at him forgetting how they were posistioned, until she felt Sirius' kiss her cheek, a little alarmingly close to her lips..

Lily was about to pull away from him, to tell him that they were getting dangerously close to crossing the line, but then her heart sunk as she heard James voice. “You two having fun?” His voice sounded emotionless, neutral. That terrified Lily. Normally he was smiling and laughing but now, he looked at her with no feeling. Immediately she pulled away from Sirius. Sure it was warm where his hand had been but James left her body, wherever and however he had touched her, it burned, in the most pleasant way.
Lily's Emerald eyes looked up at James. She was terrified he had gotten the wrong idea. Did he think that Sirius had actually kissed her?! "James." She started as she tried to form words out of her mouth. Intelligent words. " James, nothing's going on. I swear to you. " She looked up at him and prayed that he understood. [/blockquote]

[Sirius Black]

You two having fun?

Sirius didn't pull back quite as quickly as Lily did, but he did step away as Lily started rattling off a list of unnecessary apologies. They'd been caught, sure, but not doing anything he wouldn't have let James see in the first place. He'd kept his distance for the most part, though that kiss may have been crossing the line a smidgen.

"James, nothing's going on I swear to you."

Sirius looked toward James, translating his stance against the frame of the door as relaxation and not friendly betrayal. How very wrong he was!

"He knows nothing's going on, Evans," Sirius said, ruffling his wet hair. He couldn't tell from James' expression if that were true, but he really hoped it was. He hadn't done any of that with the intention of hurting his best friend, though if that was the impression he was giving off he would have to rectify that sooner rather than later. "Besides, I think we've come to an understanding this evening," he said smiling at Lily as he moved to gather his things. He slipped his slippers back onto his feet and moved back between Lily and James so he could get a better view of the latter.

"And because of that," he said as he moved to James' side. "I'll be a better, more understanding friend. That's not bad right?" he said, clasping James on the arm. He stared into his eyes, conveying through them that he would never do anything to hurt him, to trust him because he had his best interest at heart. Their friendship depended on that unrelenting loyalty they'd been working six years to build.

He knew James understood how much effort he'd put into accepting his relationship with Lily. If he could see this awkward moment as one of those attempts he wouldn't have to waste a second of his life hating him because of a misunderstanding.

That gaze between them only lasted a second, but that was all the time he needed to reassure his friend. He turned back to Lily and gave her one of his winning smile. "Like I said before, we'll see," he said knowingly.

[James Potter]

"James, nothing's going on. I swear to you. "

He knew that . . . Sirius wouldn’t harm him. But then he saw the kiss over again in his head . . . okay that was crossing the line. His eyes darkened slightly before he raised a brow, looking at Lily. “I never said you were. Guilty conscious?” he asked, voice once again neutral. He tore his gaze away from her to look at Sirius. Sirius was the one he needed to talk to now. And they could do so quickly and quietly. All they needed was a second. . .

Because James really hadn’t been worrying . . . until Lily spoke. That got him shaken up. His heart was pounding against his ribcage as he looked at his friend. He wanted to believe that his friend would hurt him . . . that his friend wouldn’t betray him. Because if Sirius betrayed him, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. Sure, he could make an attempt to live life without anyone else . . . but not with Sirius. They had been through a lot together, and their bond was just that much thicker . . . much more life sustaining.

"He knows nothing's going on, Evans. Besides, I think we've come to an understanding this evening,"

And understanding. So Sirius was trying to understand his relationship with Lily? He clung to that, staring at his friend. He allowed only the vaguest of emotions to show through his eyes, pleading with Sirius to tell him that he had just walked in on nothing and that Lily was over reacting. It was in the form of the tiniest, microscopic flash of pain, pleading, and begging that warmed his darkened eyes (which were generally a bad sign), turning his steeled gold into melting ice.

"And because of that. I'll be a better, more understanding friend. That's not bad right?"

A clasp to the arm . . . a knowing look. James nodded his head slightly, his muscles relaxing. When they had tensed, he wasn’t sure. Ever so slowly, the mask that he had put up began to fade away, cracking and falling to pieces until the next time he needed to wear it. The next time he needed to guard his emotions. But he shot a confusing glance at the both of them at Sirius’s last words to her. “What are you two talking about?” he asked, slightly irritated. He felt like it was about him, and James didn’t like having people who were close to him talk behind his back. They might as well stab him in the front.

[Lily M. Evans]

“I never said you were. Guilty conscious?”

No! She didn't have a guilty conscious. She just didn't want James to assume anything. They hadn't even kissed. However Sirius had kissed her close to her lips and that from a distance, could've looked like a kiss. And that's what Lily was worrying about. She was worried that he had gotten the wrong idea...

"James I don't have a guilty conscious. I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea"

"And because of that. I'll be a better, more understanding friend. That's not bad right?"
Lily looked up at Merlin and hoped to him that James knew that Sirius would never harm him. Nor would she. As she had said before, she would die before she broke James Potters' heart. And he had very much earned it after six years of chasing.

“What are you two talking about?”

With that Lily walked over to James trying to read what he was feeling, thinking, anything. Then she turned to Sirius. "Well we were talking about how.." She let her voice draw off and begged Sirius for help. She wasn't sure if he wanted her to tell James that he had had doubts about Lily's love for James.

[Sirius Black]

Sirius caught Lily's gaze and he took her cue. "How incredibly lucky she is that you gave her the time of day after all the crap she's put you through, mate," he said before chuckling. It wasn't the complete truth, but it wasn't a lie either. Lily was pretty lucky James had wanted her after all this time. He was sure she didn't know just how much.

He fell silent for a moment and he could literally feel butterflies begin to bang against the inside of his stomach. He turned back to James.

"How about we talk about that later on," He said looking at James. Even that white lie would bug him all day. There was something about James that just begged for him to be honest and he couldn't betray that trust they had between each other, no matter how insignificant the lie had been.

Bundling his things tight to his chest, he gave the two a final look and left the bathroom, needing to get away for a moment and think before he told James the whole truth. Hopefully he would take it well.

Exit Sirius

[James Potter]

"James I don't have a guilty conscious. I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea"

He snorted slightly, a humorless smile on his face. He gave a slight chuckle at her. “I didn’t have the wrong idea, but if you keep that up, I will.” he said to her. He put on a false smile and cheer on his face, only Sirius being able to see through it. But then again, Sirius was able to see through him no matter what.

He raised a brow, looking at both of them to explain what they were talking about, his face showing them that he wasn’t liking whatever secret they were hiding. James didn’t keep secrets from them . . .

"Well we were talking about how.."

"How incredibly lucky she is that you gave her the time of day after all the crap she's put you through, mate,"

He had seen the look shared between the two. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked between the two. Okay, he did NOT like this, and his demeanor had gone slightly rigid, allowing both of them to know that they were caught in whatever lie they were keeping from him. Of course, he could also tell that there was some slight truth to Sirius’s words.

"How about we talk about that later on."

He looked at Sirius, nodding his head slightly. A small smile appeared on his face. He watched as Sirius took off with his things. He actually looked ready to burst with whatever he was trying to say . . . or rather not say at the present time. He turned his attention back to Lily, a smile on his features. “So, you done with your bath?” he asked her.